Always YOURS
by Red Satin and Black Silk
Summary: <html><head></head>The symptoms, The meeting, the heartbreak, the response and the mess. A decade later, she can't get use to his face, his voice, or his fame. She had been the one that hurt him so why did he feel this need to hold her and tell her it will be okay?</html>
1. The Symptoms

Always Yours

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><p>SatinSilk: Hey all, here's another Puckleberry fic; just a ficlet to encourage sunshineandstardust.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee; it belongs to the creator (s) of the program and Fox. Expect OOCness due to my interpretation of how the characters would react in this unlikely situation.

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><p>Always Yours<br>The symptoms

Insomnia, misery, and incurable loneliness; those were the side effects of fame. No, they were the side effects of a broken heart. She shouldn't be lonely, she knew that and she hated it when she felt lonely but she was. She was so lonely. She loved and hated New York. It was the city that never slept so there was never a moment where she could forget. There were times that she desperately wanted to forget who she was and what she had sacrificed to get there.

But she was famous and that was what mattered right?

No, it wasn't. And it took a decade for her to realize that. God, she was stupid but it was too late now or so she told herself. She was too far gone and, not to mention, to proud to apologize. She was Rachel Berry after all, she didn't look to the past but focused on the future; even if it was suffocating her.

She laid there for a few more moment just listening to the snores of her boyfriend before she rose from the bed. Boyfriend? Jesse St. James wasn't her boyfriend; their relationship was strictly casual and most importantly physical. But his sexual prowess was flawed and left her wanting a fire that he couldn't produce. It was hard to admit especially after replaying the memories of them together in high school but Jesse was so ordinary. He like every other man, paled in comparison.

She slipped a silk chemise over her head and opened her room door. She left quietly, not wanting to disturb her roommates rather than Jesse. She moved gracefully through the apartment and stumbled across living room. Her heart was in her throat and she couldn't tear away from the television. There he was, singing her song.

_Sweet Caroline  
>Good times never seemed so good.<br>I've been inclined  
>to believe they never would.<br>Oh_

Her blood was boiling. It was just a video; just a music video but it killed her. How dare he sing her song to someone else! How dare he make money off a beautiful moment that was simply theirs? How could he? The anger was slowly dissipating and her body started to shake. How dare he? How dare she?

Before her sob could escape her mouth; Kurt spoke, "It doesn't matter."

She was silent. Her body was still trembling and for a small moment, she had forgotten that she wasn't alone.

It happened every time, just like clockwork Kurt noted. He and Blaine would be on the couch watching TV. After a long day of work, it was the best way for Blaine to unwind and since Rachel was usually still at parties, Kurt obliged his old lover and watched TV with him. Then Blaine would doze off and Kurt would be left alone to surf the channels. And every time Puckerman would show up on the screen and Rachel would be there about to lose control. It was so hard to tell that she broke it off with him.

According to Santana, it had been a huge misunderstanding that never got fixed. So a decade later like every other time, Rachel was about to lose it all.

"It doesn't matter who he sings that song to, it doesn't matter how many teenagers pretend he's singing it to them or how many woman download it as a ringtone because it's your song. It will always be your song, we all know who his Caroline is and always will be."

Kurt never turned his head from the screen. There was a small whimper, every year it ate her up more and more. Sometimes he just wanted to force them in a room together to make things better. He hated to see her in pain even if he didn't act like it all the time but there was nothing he could do. It was their problem; the reason why half people from New Directions could never be in the same room together. It was a Puckleberry war and they had to work it out.


	2. The Meeting

Always Yours

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><p>SatinSilk: Part 2 of this ficlet. This chapter was inspired by Need You now, the Glee version. The chapter "The symptoms" was inspired by Sweet Caroline, the Glee version.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee; it belongs to the creator (s) of the program and Fox. Expect OOCness due to my interpretation of how the characters would react in this unlikely situation.

I always do not own any lyrics presented in this chapter.

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><p>Always Yours<br>The Meeting

Santana Hudson was a force to be reckoned with. Rachel knew this better than anyone else. So she couldn't complained much when Mrs. Hudson burst through her room and jumped on her while she was in bed, cussed out Mr. St. James when he protested and forced Rachel to get dressed, up and out of the apartment by eight that morning. No, there were just some things you didn't fight with Santana over; food, shopping trips and how much of an asswipe St. Douche was. There was absolute no room for argument especially not that morning.

It was Santana's birthday and Rachel and Santana didn't argue with each other on their birthdays. Rachel and Santana had been born only a day apart. It was a two day party and Santana forced Finn to tear away from their life in Ohio to come to New York. It didn't matter if he had a very important game because the world was told to stop spinning when it came to those two birthdays. And don't let Finn's Head Coach have a problem with it because Santana would put him in his place. He would not be the first nor would he be the last coach to be cussed out by Mrs. Hudson.

"So where's Finn,"

"I don't know," Santana said as she combed through the clothes. "He had better be at Tiffany's,"

Rachel shook her head as she proceeded to look for a new dress. She didn't need one; there were still several brilliant, designers, couture gowns hanging in her closets that she had bought for Santana's party. Most likely, Santana had gone through them all and disapproved before she woke up Rachel. Sometimes it was hard to believe that Rachel had become best friends with Santana, it was possibly the craziest thing in the world.

It had just happened one day; Santana had been picking on Rachel and Rachel snapped back. It had shocked everyone in the room especially Mr. Schue who had to break up the fight nearly two minutes later. It was an event that would forever go down in Glee history. Somehow it had been the first step to their friendship and the next thing Rachel knew the two of them were always celebrating their birthdays together. From there on, it was weekly phone calls, letters, comp tickets to shows or football games, the Christmas parties and Sunday dinners when they were in town.

They were family. Santana had been the second person Rachel had told when her fathers had died and Santana had been the first person to offer Rachel a place to stay. Santana beside Kurt was the only person Rachel had on speed dial. Rachel knew no matter what, Santana would hop on a plane or drive if Rachel ever needed her. And Santana hadn't taken a side when it happened. She told Rachel the truth and never brought it up again. Santana was like Rachel's sister and Rachel didn't know what she would do without her.

"San, you can't honestly expect him to fulfill that promise, do you? What happens if something happens and he can't play ball anymore."

Santana paused and looked at Rachel. Rachel bit her lip and tried not to laugh.

"We have a diamond fund just in case that happens. Beside, we have a backup plan." Her face softened.

Rachel hated to admit it but she was jealous, envious and downright furious at Santana and Finn's relationship. Rachel had always thought there would be love songs dedicated to what she and Finn had but somehow it was never real. It was simply kid stuff compared to what he and Santana had. Santana and Finn had something real; they understood each other and best of all, they made each other better.

They didn't make sense and somehow that made them work beautifully. There was a structure to their relationship that worked so much better than any of their past relationships. Santana wasn't just Santana but she was more; she had became a successful woman who thrived as a trophy wife. There wasn't a magazine in the world that didn't feature her at least one, she made a career out of being the perfect wife. She was still that tough as nails girl that Rachel had always known but she had softened as well. She was able to be simply herself. Finn on the other hand was still him but he was tougher, he stood up for himself especially with Santana but he never lost himself in being married to her.

They had married right out of high school and somehow they worked. Ten years later, they were happily married with more than a few kids. They were the ideal American family. They were the American Dream.

We could have had that, she thought to herself. Rachel blinked and saw Santana right in front of her.

"I said; you have to buy that one."

Rachel looked down and said the rich red color of the material. The dress was hot, sultry and screamed sex. It was what Rachel always wanted to be in a dress and more. She stayed away from color like this for a reason because they reminded her of the fire that only they could create. It reminded her of the dull aching in her loins. It was a hunger that no other man could quench and went so beyond sex.

"No," Rachel said softly.

"No?" Santana said and then looked at Rachel's face. "You have to let it go, girl. It's been ten years. You either forgive yourself or don't. Kurt told me you saw the video."

Rachel stared at her, unable to find words. There were no words because Santana was right.

"It's not like that," she tried to lie.

"You didn't just lie to me on my birthday? Did you?" Santana grabbed the dress in Rachel's size and grabbed Rachel. "You're trying it on and that's final."

There were a lot of unspoken threats in all that. Santana had stayed out of it for them both but if Rachel provoked her, Santana would force her hand. San was still good friends with them both and the connection could make or break Rachel. She didn't need that drama in her life. She didn't need it but she needed him.

What a stupid epiphany to have right there in the store. She wouldn't cry, she told herself as she stripped to almost nothing and pulled the dress on. She glanced at herself in the mirror; she had never felt so sexy except in his arms.

She pushed the door opened and saw Santana standing there. The look on San's face told her everything. She looked amazing. Rachel couldn't hide it anymore, she burst into tears.

"I am such an idiot," She sobbed.

"It's okay," Santana bit her lips.

She said she would stay out of it. And for ten years she did but she was unsure if she could anymore especially when Rachel hurt like she did. She hugged Rachel and San forced herself to decide which was the lesser of two evils.

"…."

I need you now. It was a simple thought; it was Rachel's only thought as she took off her jacket. It covered her completely and she didn't know why she felt so shy before. She felt unsure as she glided through the room. She felt like she had been reinvented. She had in more ways than one.

She was wearing color but not just any color but red. There was something about a woman who was bold enough to wear red. Rachel never really wore red before but she was now and she felt scared. All eyes were on her. This dress did something for her that no Tony, man or role could do for her. She felt good. She felt like she had awake from a dream.

She felt like a woman.

And what a woman, Finn's gasped when he saw her and San just smiled devilishly at her. The girl looked hot and Santana made sure of it. Rachel may never forgive her for this night or the next but Santana refused not to try. The dress had just been step one. Finn picked his jaw off the floor eventually and tried to reassure Santana he wasn't staring like that. San rolled her eyes and gave her a husband a kiss that would send him to the bathroom momentarily.

His dick knew who it belonged to even if his eyes didn't. She smiled at Rachel when Finn pulled away. The man was still so awkward; it was cute.

"Well damn, Rac. I am glad I am secure or I would have to kick you out," Santana teased.

Rachel smiled in spite of herself. As if she could honestly compete with Santana. The woman glowed in the sexy but modest ivory cocktail dress she wore. No matter what anyone wore, Santana would be the Queen of the evening but it was her birthday so that's how it was supposed to be.

"Really San, no one could outshine you if they tried. Happy birthday," Rachel hugged her tight.

Santana looked past Rachel and knew Rachel would hate her if she just turned around. So San hugged her a little tighter before Finn hugged her. Rachel opened her mouth to speak when two syllables stopped her.

"Berry,"

Rachel turned quickly and her eyes widen. "Noah,"

She was different, of course she was different. How could she be the same after a decade, it was a stupid thought. But it was hard to take her all in and not pounce. It was harder not to want to pounce her. She broke his heart not the other way around.

That thought had been embedded his head when Finn invited him to the party. He was in New York for a concert the next day and it seemed rude not to stop in. In other words, Santana would make life for him hell if he didn't say something. It was crazy; Finn and Santana? Who could even imagine such a match? But they had said the same about him and her and they had been happy. Sure, it was ten years ago but they had been happy.

He had even bought a ring. Nowwhere that ring was, he wasn't sure; maybe in a river or in his house. He had been drunk when he thought about destroying it so the hell if he knew where it was. He walked into the room and he saw her. It was from the back but he knew those curves to well to forget them or ignore them. He wanted to wait to approach but he couldn't.

His feet took him closer and closer to her. Until finally he spoke her name as if it was the air he breathes or as if he needed it to live. Where was his disdain? Where was his hatred? Damn it, those eyes shouldn't have been able to rob him of his hurt. It was all he had when she left.

"Noah,"

Why did his name sound so good? Why did he feel so alive when she spoke it? Because no one but her and his mom called him Noah and she made it sound so human. When she said his name, it made him feel like there was more to life than being a badass. Of course there was no greater badass than him and that was a renowned fact. But he couldn't deny she made him feel something.

Worse of all, her eyes looked horrible. He could see it all, the pain and the anguish. They were all in her stupid eyes. She had been the one that hurt him so why did he feel this need to hold her and tell her it would be okay?

I need you now; they both thought it but couldn't bring themselves to say it. Why was that? Was it really that damn hard?


	3. The Heartbreak

Always Yours

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><p>SatinSilk: Part three of the ficlet. I am sorry if there's seems to be extreme cases of OOCness but it's like the disclaimer says; now time for The Heartbreak.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee; it belongs to its Creator(s) and Fox. There will be OOCness due to the interpretation I have of how characters would react in this unlikely situation.

I do not own any song lyrics presented or implied in this chapter.

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><p>Always Yours<br>The Heartbreak

She couldn't argue with Santana on their birthday; it was their rule. But that sure as hell didn't mean that Rachel couldn't cry. It was her birthday and she could damn well cry if she wanted to. How could San do this to her?

Front row seats to a Puck concert complete with VIP passes. What a birthday present.

Yes, what a fucking birthday present? Who pulled that kind of shit? Honestly? Was last night not awkward enough or did San needed to humiliate Rachel more?

They hadn't spoken after that brief encounter but she felt him the whole time. She knew where he was the whole time without even glancing in his direction. Her new, sultry, red dressed seemed to be stupid, plain and ugly with him in that room. All her confidence disappeared and there was no one else to blame for it but her.

She felt like she was being tortured and the only person that could have ended it was her. But did she? No, she was too busy trying to prove that she didn't need him. It was the biggest lie that she could tell herself. She got a few glances of him and she went back to that day; the day where she had begged him to do a duet with her to make Finn jealous. How cruel was it that she could sing those words so effortlessly then and yet when she needed them most, they weren't there.

So she did what she did best, she selfishly pushed through it. She ignored him and pretended she was having the best time in the world. She and San did some crazy, drunken shit that they would laugh about later. It didn't matter; she just existed.

Worse of all before the night was over, she went home with someone. She couldn't go through with it and she hated herself for doing it but how could she not want to prove something. If not only to him but to herself that she was okay even though she knew she wasn't. That was the truth; she wasn't okay.

And that where she found herself, lying on her bed while Kurt pulled out the perfect ensemble for the night. She hated Santana, why couldn't she keep her nose out of it? Hot tears cascaded down her cheek. Because, if it had been Finn and Santana, Rachel knew she would do the same exact damn thing. Damn best friends who had your best interest at heart. They could fuck off.

She curled into a ball and stayed there until San came. Kurt made her get up and eat something. San dragged her all the way to the concert while running her damn mouth. No good could come of this; it was all Rachel could think to prevent the tears from spilling.

"….."

He honestly didn't know what angered him more, the fact that she had been there looking hot as ever and yet so desperate or the fact that she had the fucking nerve to leave with someone else. He had no right, he knew that and Santana reminded him of that when he almost went after them.

It wasn't right, she told him. He would want it to be right when it happened or if it ever happened again. Damn Mrs. Hudson. She was fucking right.

Nonetheless, Puck was furious. He tried to do the same but he couldn't do it. All he thought about was Rachel with that guy, moaning some other man's name over and over again. It was enough to make his blood boil. So he stopped before anything got serious and left the girl alone; the bitch just wanted to say that she had fucked Puck. Nothing else, she didn't care. That was the trouble with groupies; they never really cared no matter how much they said they did.

So Puck had stayed a little longer. He watched San and Finn be all mushy and shit and left when Finn gave her a Tiffany's box. Damn that girl was spoiled but she deserved it and she was happy. And that was the most important part of it all, some body was happy.

It wasn't fair. Damnit; it wasn't fucking fair that they were happy when he was fucking miserable.

He entered his hotel angry and sneered at a bunch of fans. His manager would be pissed if he found out, but right now he really didn't give a shit. It was hours later when he couldn't sleep that he took a guitar out. He needed sleep; he had a concert to prepare for.

It was bad enough he had been out "late" "partying" with some old friends. He really needed the rest to get his mind right and be ready for the concert. His voice needed the rest though he had barely spoken that night.

How could he sleep when he had been so close? Where was the badass who was going to break the bitch's heart like she did to him? Had that all really been talk? Damn it to fucking hell, he hated her. Why couldn't he honestly hate her? She hurt him, she dumped his ass again but this time he had been serious about it. He wasn't with her to appease his mom, God or any of those bullshit reasons. He wanted her and he had got her only to lose her. He kicked his guitar case.

He heard some shit break, he'd fix it in a moment, he told himself. He took a deep breath. She wasn't easy to forget, she was Rachel fucking Berry after all. The only girl he ever gave a damn about. The only woman that he was fucking terrified to speak to because he was afraid he beg for her to come back. Ten years later and shit hadn't changed.

He took a deep breath, putting his guitar on the bed and picked up the case. He sucked in a breath; there was that ring he thought was at the bottom of a river. What was he supposed to do now? He shook his head, it was too much. He turned to his guitar; the first chord came easily as he thought of their fire.

"…."

It was going well, Rachel thought. She didn't have any meltdowns and he didn't sing Sweet Caroline which was a bonus. She had forgotten how much she missed his voice, she forgotten how she loved it to be the first thing she heard in the morning and she forgotten so much more.

He didn't torture her with his eyes which she was thankful for. He could have easily; they were after all in the first fucking row. But it didn't feel that way; it felt like there were millions of miles apart. He was focused on his music and she was focused on him.

He hadn't changed that much but he was different. Maybe it was bitterness or something else. Maybe he was just a true badass. She couldn't honestly expect him to pine after her for the rest of his life like she seemed to be doing with him. No, he probably moved on and he was being polite by not saying anything. The thought of him with someone else sickened her.

Santana was right; she needed to let it go. It was the only way she was going to survive.

Speak of the devil, San squeezed Rachel's hand. She turned to look at her as the song winded down.

"Be honest girl, was it that bad?"

"No," Rachel said in a quiet voice.

The audience roared in applause. This was the last song and so many were wondering what he would end with. Rachel couldn't help but wonder as well. She just prayed that it wasn't Sweet Caroline, she couldn't take it. No, her heart couldn't take it at all.

But Puck did something strange, he put down his guitar. The crowd hushed, so this wasn't normal at all. He moved the mic and cleared his throat. Was he nervous? No, not her Noah.

He was fucking nervous. She was right there. And of course, she was fucking glowing like a goddamn Queen. She probably came to rub it in, didn't she? She probably wanted him to feel ten times more foolish than he already did. He cleared his throat again. Where had his swag gone? That right, it was so hard to be badass Puck when she was around. She saw right through that shit and he was forced to be Noah. As if he knew who the hell that guy was. That guy lived and died ten years ago, how was he supposed to resurrect a dead man?

"This song," He started. "Is not one any of you ever heard. I wrote it last night. Hate it, love it, I really don't give a fuck as long as I get an answer,"

Puck turned to his band. They had struggled all through the morning and afternoon to get the song just perfect. He needed it to be perfect. He needed a fucking answer.

He watched the look of confusion passed through her eyes. He was fucking glad, now she knew what he felt. He just wanted a fucking answer.

Rachel turned to Santana who shrugged her shoulder. She hadn't planned this which made things worse. What song was he going to sing? She felt herself filled with trepidation. She couldn't shake the feeling that the next few moments would forever change her life.

Compared to the other song, it was slower but yet it was intense. For the first time, Noah was looking at her. He was singing to her. What did he want an answer for?

_I remember when you said your father's asleep  
>I remember swimming as our clothes drifted off to sea.<em>

No, she thought but his eyes told her yes. They were going to settle it tonight. Forget that a decade had gone by, forget that she purposely didn't go to their high school reunion just so she could avoid him and forget that this shit should have been done ten years ago. He shouldn't have let her walk away and she sure as hell shouldn't have overreacted.

_So wake up, wake up dreaming,  
>And lie here with me,<br>So wake up, wake up dreaming,  
>And lie here with me.<em>

That day was forever etched in Puck's mind. It had started out as an argument which wasn't uncommon for them. She got into Julliard and he wanted to go to California. He was going to pursue his dreams of becoming a recording artist. Most importantly he was getting the fuck of Lima; he wasn't going to be a Lima loser. No fuck that shit, he was going to be some body.

_Here we go,  
>Just lose control and let your body give in,<br>To the beat,  
>Of your heart as my hand touches your skin,<br>Is this love  
>Or,<br>Just sexual desire,  
>We're gonna start a fire!<em>

They had avoided the argument for weeks because they knew someone was going to have to cave. Someone was going to have to relocate and revamp their dreams. Julliard or LA and he wasn't just going out there to be a starving artist. There was a contract waiting for him, he was going to have a record deal and everything. Their dreams were right around graduation and all they had to do was decide.

_I remember drinking as the stars were falling,  
>I remember dancing on the hotel's unmade bed.<em>

He was going to be a man, he was going to call and see if they could do it all in New York. But she stopped him, she killed it all. She did a Rachel Berry which she was so goddamn good at. If that wasn't bad enough, she dropped a bomb on him.

"What are you saying Berry?"

"Noah, let's be realistic. I am going to New York to be a star and I am going to need someone who understands and honestly a recording artist isn't good enough. This was fun but if we are honestly going to pursue our careers, we have to be realistic. I am going to need someone who will understand what I am going through. This is my life we're talking about and it's serious to me so I need someone serious like Jesse."

"St. Douche? The same St. Douche who egged you in the parking lot after you two broke up? That same fucking Jesse?" She flinched at his tone.

"I forgave him for that and we've been talking. He's already in New York and he needs a roommate so-"

"So you're going with your legs fuckin' open, is that right Berry?"

"It's not like that Noah, we're just not right for each other. Why else did it take us this long to talk about it? We both knew the truth so why fight it. We're not a good match and we wouldn't have made it. Our dreams conflict and honestly-"

"I am not St. Douche,"

"No but yes, why waste both our times Noah, it's only going to end anyway. Let's save ourselves the heartbreak before someone really gets hurt."

_So wake up, wake up dreaming,  
>And lie here with me,<br>So wake up, wake up dreaming,  
>And lie here with me.<em>

Someone did get hurt and it was him. Worse of all, the ring had been in his pocket too. It was still in his pocket.

_Here we go,  
>Just lose control and let your body give in,<br>To the beat,  
>Of your heart as my hand touches your skin,<br>Is this love  
>Or,<br>Just sexual desire,  
>We're gonna start a fire!<em>

She had been scared; she hadn't wanted to admit it. She threw up at least twice before he had arrived at her door. They argued for what seemed like hours the night before and she wasn't ready for round two. She didn't want to talk about it. She just wanted to stay with him and the talk was only going too led to their break up. He was so fixated on not being a Lima loser that she often wondered where they left her in his life.

He was going to hurt her. He was going to cut out her heart, she had to stop it. She had to protect herself. So she lied a little. Jesse had offered to shelter her since Julliard wasn't covering room and board. Her fathers were dead and what they had left was enough for her to get through high school and pay the other half of a New York rent fora year or two.

At the end, when he had stormed out. When she knew that she was safe from heartbreak, she called Jesse and asked for a place to stay. She told herself over and over again, she had saved herself from the pain. But it was lie, not knowing what he was going to say was the worst mistake she ever made.

_Here we go,  
>Just lose control and let your body give in,<br>To the beat,  
>Of your heart as my hand touches your skin,<br>Is this love  
>Or,<br>Just sexual desire,  
>We're gonna start a fire!<em>

She shook her head. San's hand clutched together to hers. No, it wasn't. She wanted to scream but she couldn't bring herself to do it. No, it wasn't. It was me being stupid, her mind screamed. I made a mistake, please let me apologize. Please let me make it up. But she couldn't speak any of those words.

_Taking chances in the back of your car,  
>We burn and on my radio is "Rockin' in a Free World,<br>S.O.S.  
>So obsessed,<br>Oh you make me such a mess,  
>Why can't this just last forever, why, why, why?<em>

He didn't take his eyes off of her the whole time. Maybe it was bad showmanship but he didn't give a fuck. She shook her head fervently as the tears poured. Her body was trembling and he could almost hear the sobs over his voice. No? No what, he wanted to ask but he couldn't. He had to push through.

_So wake up, wake up dreaming,  
>And lie here with me,<br>So wake up, wake up dreaming,  
>And lie here with me.<em>

"I can't do this," She whispered over and over again like a mantra.

Rachel ripped her hand out of San and ran. God, when was the last time she actually ran like that? She couldn't tell. Damn, she looked crazy and liked an idiot but she didn't care. She kept going until she found a taxi and just drove.

Five hours later she was stumbling through her front door. They were all there; San was torn between pissed and worried. Kurt pulled her into the first hugged they had ever shared in years. And Blaine did the worse thing of all. He pushed her answer machine button.

"Berry, we need to talk. You own me an answer."

_Is this love or just sexual desire?  
><em>


	4. The Response

Always Yours

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><p>SatinSilk: Part 4 of this ficlet; I have been thinking. They aren't that OOCness. This brings out and focuses on the worse qualities in them both; any who onto The Response.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee; it belongs to its Creator (s) and Fox. There will be some OOCness due to the interpretation that I have of how the characters would react in this unlikely situation.

I don't own any lyrics presented or implied in this character.

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><p>Always Yours<br>The Response

"_Berry, we need to talk. You own me an answer."_

His words had echoed in her head as she laid there on her bed. It was as if Blaine had played the message a thousand times instead of once. She had memorized it so well: his tone, the pace of his diction and how serious he had sounded. There was no room for any excuses. She couldn't run away from this, he wasn't going to let her.

And Santana gave him her damn number which could also mean that San gave him Rachel's address. Rachel curled into a ball, briefly pushing her short tresses out of her face. How did things get this way? Oh right, she spoke first. She couldn't let him have the first say; no she had to pull a fucking Rachel Berry. She almost giggled at her thought.

That's what Noah called it. A fucking Rachel Berry, she giggled again as she thought of countless times. When he had claimed she was pulling a Berry. Each time he had suggested it, it had annoyed and even had pissed her off before but now it was hilarious. Damn it, he had been right. She did the things that she did best and she had done it that day.

She had wanted to protect herself so she spoke without thought. She had done what was so natural to her. She had never thought even for a moment that he would come with her to New York. Even now, it sounded like the stuff of dreams. Could that really have been his decision? Could he have honestly thought that even for moment?

She couldn't be so sure. She had read his body language so well or so she had thought. Everything she had perceived said that he wasn't going to change his mind. He was going to break up with her to pursue a dream in California. She had lost so much, she couldn't bare that.

So, yes, she had pulled a Rachel Fucking Berry. She didn't know what else she could have done. She took a deep breathe, she couldn't do this anymore. She would never know what happen if she didn't ask. Noah wasn't the only one who needed an answer. She needed one just as bad as he did.

She glanced at her clock, it was four o' three. She bit her lip, would he still be awake. As if she could contact to him. She paused.

"Santana,"

Rachel apprehensively grabbed her cell phone. She knew San and her damn meddling ways. Rachel clicked on her contacts and scrolled for a while and saw his name there. Noah 'Call him' Puckerman.

Rachel sighed, she loved and hated Santana. The clock still said four o' three, was it to early or too late to call. Rachel bit her lip as she pressed the send button. If there was someone in heaven, she'd get the voice mail. She could live with that. As brave as she was being, she wasn't sure if she could bear to hear his voice again.

There were too many pleasant memories that came with that voice.

"Hello," Echoed groggily from the other side.

"Noah," She jumped, his voice startled and aroused her.

Some many late nights that voice had brought pleasure to her ears and more. She shook her head; she couldn't focus on those things. She cleared her throat and started again.

"Hello, this is Rachel Ber-"

"I know who it is Berry,"

"Oh. How,"

"Only two people call me Noah,"

"Oh," She paused again. "Well, I got your message and I am calling you back and,"

"And," He was fully awake now, Rachel could tell.

She didn't know. Four o' three, it just seems like the right time and now she wasn't so sure anymore. Could she just pretend like she lost the call? It was a cowardly thought but as the silence stretched between them, the more she liked it. She had been brave enough to answer and question him via voicemail but was she bold enough for this?

Her finger itched closer to the end button. He would forgive her for pressing end, wouldn't he? She didn't know.

"Don't you dare, Berry." He growled.

Her finger slid as far away from the button as possible. Damn it, did he really know her that way. She laughed.

"Would that be pulling a Rachel Berry," Her voice broke at the end of the question.

"Taking fifty years to do it while you analyze whether or not I would know you did it or not. Yea, that would be pulling a Rachel fucking Berry."

She laughed again and he joined her. But somewhere along the lines, her laughter turned into sobs. There was no Kurt to remind her of what she always seemed to forget. This wasn't how this phone call was supposed to go.

"I can-"

"Like the fuck you can't, Berry." He growled again.

Noah, I am so sorry. It was on the tip of her tongue but it wouldn't come out. He wasn't going to let her hang up, so this was it. It ended now. She nodded to herself, it ended tonight.

"Berry," He started before her voice cut him off.

_Will you listen to my story?  
>It'll just be a minute<br>How can I explain?_

It felt cowardly, singing like that. But singing had never failed her. She had always been able to express herself through music. Words she couldn't speak, she had always found the strength to sing. Maybe it was cowardly but she knew she could get it out this way.

_What ever happened here  
>Never meant to hurt you<br>How could I cause you so much pain?_

She closed her eyes and felt her voice getting stronger and louder. She couldn't hear him on the other side. She almost stopped singing but she couldn't. She had to keep going, his silence could be a good sign. She focused on the words.

_When I say I'm sorry  
>Will you believe me?<br>Listen to my story  
>Say you won't leave me<br>When I say I'm sorry  
>Can you forgive me?<br>When I say I'll always be there  
>Will you believe<br>Will you believe me?_

Please Noah, she thought to herself. Please believe this, I am so sorry. I am so sorry for being so stupid. For ten years, they were forced to live without each other because she had to speak first. His teases never seemed so real before.

_All the words that I've come up with  
>They're like gasoline on flames<br>There's no excuse  
>No explanation<br>Believe me  
>If I could I'd undo what I did wrong<br>I'd give away all that I own_

She didn't realize how much of her day was made up of Noah until she came to New York. She didn't realize how much she had depended on him. He had been there the moment she had received news about her dads. He had been the one to tell her that she would get through it, that she was stronger than all that bullshit that was coming towards her. He had been her strength when some many people thought to give her space.

_When I say I'm sorry  
>Will you believe me?<br>Listen to my story  
>Say you won't leave me<br>When I say I'm sorry  
>Can you forgive me?<br>When I say I'll always be there  
>Will you believe<br>Will you believe me?_

She hadn't needed space, she needed someone. And Noah had been there for her. It was after that moment that they had become inseparable. How was she supposed to know breaking up with him was like splitting herself in half? Of course she couldn't have, she didn't realize it until now.

_If I told you  
>I've been cleaning my soul<br>And if I promised you  
>I'll regain control<br>Will you open your door  
>And let me in?<br>Take me for who I am  
>And not for who I've been?<em>

How stupid she had been. The next part was harder and it would be harder. But he had been there when it was hard. He had been there. He hadn't given up on her, how could she have given up on him so easily? Hot tears streamed down her face. She had been so horrible to him.

_Who I've been..._

She knew that now, did he understand that?

She opened her mouth to sing the next part but stopped. There was nothing. There was absolutely nothing. Her heart was thudding in her chest as she slowly pulled the phone from her ear.

He was gone, he had hung up. She felt stupid as more tears fell. Was she so stupid to expect him to really give her the time of day? Why should he?

_When I say I'm sorry Can you forgive me? When I say I'll always be there Will you believe?_

And the fucked up thing was he did believe her. He just didn't know how to cope with it.


	5. The Mess

Always Yours

* * *

><p>SatinSilk: The mess. Thank you hollyyberryy for pointing something that never crossed my mind. Welcome to the end.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee; it belongs to its Creator (s) and Fox. There will be some OOCness due to the interpretation that I have of how the characters would react in this unlikely situation.

I don't own any lyrics presented or implied in this character.

* * *

><p>Always Yours<br>The Mess

So he was just gonna leave? Was he just gonna leave again? Is that how things were gonna be? He was just gonna pretend like she didn't call. Was he just going to pretend that song hadn't hit a nerve as if those words didn't mean anything? As if she didn't give it all she got?

What kind of fucking man was he?

It was the only thing that he could process while he sat there. He knew her, he knew her better than he knew anyone and he was just going to quit? He started this fucking mess, the least he could do was finish it.

That was the least that he could fucking do but did he have it in him?

Why did she make him feel so damn insecure? He was fucking Noah Puckerman, he shouldn't feel like this. He should have this in the fucking bag but he didn't.

This was rocking his fucking world. Coming to New York wasn't supposed to be like this, he wasn't sure what it was supposed to be like but it wasn't supposed to be like. He wasn't supposed to see her but damn he did see her.

He saw her fucking everywhere he went. He carried her with him; it was her soft words that he heard before he started a concert. It was her face that he looked for in the crowd even though it was never there. Except last night, it had been there last night and it felt fucking good.

It felt right like this was how things were always supposed to be; her in his audience and him in hers. Maybe that was how things were supposed to be but that sure as hell wasn't how they turned out. Puck let out a sigh as he tried to control himself.

She rattled him. She was the only person that could see him for what he was. And he had loved that about her. Loved, had he finally let her go? Maybe he had then why all this? Maybe he just needed fucking closure. Yea, it hurt to see her because he knew the future that they should have had. But it was all done, he ….they had to let that shit go.

But how could they when he couldn't even look her in the face without any disdain. It wasn't disdain, it was a knowing. A fucking knowing that they could have been better than what they were. They knew it. Puck was sure that it had haunted her like it had haunted him.

Puck forced himself from his bed and stood there for a moment. What was he supposed to do now? Like hell if he knew.

Like hell if he fucking knew anything anymore.

"…."

Four O' three had seemed so magical but it wasn't. There had been something so epic about the time and yet it had proved to be so hurtful. He had hung up.

Why?

It was all she could think or focus on as her pillow was slowly drenched with her tears. She sat there for a long time before she forced herself up from her bed. She felt shaking, so not herself. Why did she still feel this way? She had apologized, her part was over, and she should be free from this fucking demon. But was it really that simple?

She felt her heart caving in, every heart beat felt off, and all she wanted to know was could it really be that simple? It was a decade ago; she could let him go right? She had said her piece and that was all that mattered? Things should be better now, shouldn't that?

He had saved her a decade ago. He had been her world a decade ago and she pushed him away. She did, not him. She made the decision so why couldn't she live with it? She was Rachel fucking Berry but her heart could hardly agree.

She pushed the idea way as she walked into the kitchen. There was no echoing of the television in the next room. Everyone was gone and she was left in the dark solace of her own mind. She could call Santana and say what?

She didn't know. She called.

She had fucking called and that should fucking count for something right? And yet, somehow she didn't think that it did.

This was poison, she was better without him. She made her peace and so she could live right. She could live and not exist. Was it that easy?

He had hung up, he had made it that easy.

She flinched at the tone, she barely believed herself. This wasn't her or was it? She had gotten over Finn and she had gotten over St. Douche. But they weren't Noah, they had never been Noah. They would never compare to what she had with Noah.

Was it worth it?

Was it worth fighting for?

Her heart was in the pit of her stomach drowning as more thoughts plagued her mind. She didn't know. It should have been.

Just make a fucking decision.

She jumped at the tone. His voice was screaming loudly in her head. Even with all that, she couldn't forget him. She couldn't just let him go. She was fucking insane. There was too much hurt, she wanted to scream at herself but she didn't care. She couldn't care about all that shit. She would lose her nerve if she did.

She tore herself from the kitchen to the door and then stopped herself. She couldn't go out without shoes. She chastised herself for her careless mistake.

With more ease than she wanted to admit to, she made it in and out of her dark kitchen to her even darker room. She slipped on some shoes, and walked quickly as the robe and chemise billowed behind her.

Change, she thought.

This was too important, she turned around again and she would lose her nerve. She ignored the impulse, grabbing her keys and unlocked the door. She pulled the door opened and her heart swelled.

"Noah,"

His arm was still raised, he was about to knock when he saw her wretch the door open. His eyes met hers and it was hard to speak. So he did what he should have done a long time ago.

He wrapped his arms around her. Forget that shit was between them. She had another ten years to make that shit up. He pulled her closely.

_Don't run away...  
>And it's hard to love again<br>When the only way it's been_

Was this really happening? She couldn't be sure as her heart was pounding in her chest. No, she was dreaming. She must be dreaming. Life wasn't like this, it wasn't this simple. It really wasn't this simple.

_When the only love you knew  
>Just walked away.<br>It gets something that you want  
>Darling you don't have to run<br>You don't have to go_

"I'm sorry," It was all she say.

Noah stopped. She didn't want it. He let go of her. How stupid was he? He had actually thought that they could bury that shit but he had been wrong.

Rachel's heart dropped when he moved away from her. He was doing it again, he was walking out of her life. No.

"No," She all but screamed.

Puck stopped.

"Please stay,"

_Just Stay with me, baby stay with me  
>Well I'm not sure what this is going to be<em>

Stay? She wanted him to stay? He turned slowly and before he could do anything. She was in his arms. This was here she belonged.

_But with my eyes closed all I see  
>Is the sky line through the window<br>The moon above you and the streets below_

He looked her in the eyes. The intensity of his eyes made her blush and for a small moment. She felt like they were seventeen again and that talk, that moment had never happened. Her heart was in her throat as he moved closer and her eyes slowly closed.

_Hold my breath as you're moving in  
>Taste your lips and feel your skin<br>When the time comes  
>Baby don't run just kiss me slowly<em>

There it was; that sweetness, the fire and that hungry that only he could quench. It was all there in that kiss.

_Just Stay with me, baby stay with me_

Her world was spinning again. Her head was swimming but Kurt had been right. It didn't matter what anyone said or what anyone thought.

It wasn't just the song but it was him too.


End file.
